


Ruins of Ourselves

by spiderscanner



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, The author is not a native English writer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-02-14 01:28:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12996867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiderscanner/pseuds/spiderscanner
Summary: Peter lost his memories after fighting Thanos. Tony blamed himself for this.I need this kind of story so I try to write it down. English is not my first language, though.





	1. Chapter 1

“Sir, who are you?”

He still remembers the day Peter asked him this question. The kid looked terrified like a soft kitten suddenly being put in a strange room. His voice shook, and he flinched to the corner of the bed he woke up from.

Tony knew that he shouldn't complain. It was already a miracle that Peter could be alive after his body was broken completely and his blood was all over Tony’s hand and everywhere. There can't be two miracles.

“I'm-”

He was going to answer that question, but he couldn't find any answers. Who was he for the kid?

He knew Peter looked up to him as a role model, which he didn't deserve.

Was he a mentor for him? What sort of mentor would drag a teenager to a war when he couldn't promise to keep him safe?

A fatherly figure that Peter needed, but he failed.

 

_Nothing._

 

Tony said to himself. He was nothing to the kid.

He was just the man who made a suit for Peter, but now Peter can’t even remember he once was Spider-Man.

Before May came in to see her child, Tony already found that Peter couldn’t remember anyone, including himself. May almost cried her heart out of it. He lost his superpower, as well as his memories, after they fight Thanos, after he stood in front of Tony and bore a strong final strike in the place of him.

That’s why Tony was still alive while he shouldn’t, and everything came to be entire agony and nightmare.

“It's not important who I am, kid.” He said softly, afraid of scaring the kid again. “You're safe now. That's the only important thing.”

Tony slowly put his hand on the kid's head. The kid flinched a little, but didn’t reject. He combed his soft curly hair.

“I'm Tony, if...you’re asking a name.”

“Tony...”

Peter looked obedient, and called his name in a soft voice.

The saddest thing is, the very first time Peter called him _Tony_ , was after he forgot who he was.

 

He and May spent the next several days telling Peter that he was _Peter_. Peter didn’t forget cognitive knowledge he had learned before, like chemistry equation, Spanish, or some really unnecessary nerdy things. But he just couldn’t remember people. Anyone, including himself.

May spent other several days convincing Peter that they were family. Tony stepped away from this process. Even the kid was staying at the compound, he only visited him two or three times a week to examine that every treatment for him was operating normally. Friday was looking after him, there was nothing else Tony could do.

The rest of the time he just stayed alone and worked. There was so much work to do after the war, the Stark Industry, the UN, and the Avengers. He loved working, because it pushed him along the track so that he had no time thinking about anything else.

Otherwise he’d be dead for just wanting to see the kid’s face. Even if he denied it, he was actually making excuses for himself to visit Peter.

He waited at the door when May was there, until the woman left the room. May gave him a weak smile every time they ran into each other, every time made he escape her gaze.

Peter looked happy when he visited him. He didn’t know whom he really was – the billionaire Tony Stark or the superhero Iron-Man. He was only a _Tony_ for Peter.

Tony sat on the bed and smiled at the kid, his two legs however unsettled. Anxiety.

“Is there anything wrong?” Even the kid noticed his anxiety.

“No- no, everything’s fine, don’t worry. I just, uh, to see how you’re doing.”

“Oh, thank you for coming. May said you’re busy, I hope I didn’t waste your time-”

“You’re not a waste of time, kid.”

He interrupted, but quickly shut up. 

“I’m not busy. You can let Friday inform me when you need anything, you know.”

Peter nodded.

“Friday’s working well for you?”

“Definitely! She’s amazing!”

“Thank you, Mr. Parker.” Friday answered. The AI sounded pleased.

Tony had changed the authorization of Friday, so Peter could ask for assistance from her directly.

“Great.” He stood up.

“You’re leaving?” Peter couldn’t hide his frustration, which made Tony still.

“You know, got work to do.” He lied.

“Okay. Yeah, I mean, sure.”

Peter nodded, but kept looking at him sincerely.

“I never got the chance to say, but…Tony, thank you for saving me.”

_No._

He wanted to scream.

_No, you saved me._

 

“Boss, you’ve been awake for 48 hours. I suggest you get some rest.” The AI said.

“I’m working.”

“No, you’re not.”

“…What?”

“You’ve been staring at the current page of the file on your hand for thirty minutes.”

Tony suddenly noticed that he was not thinking at all. His mind went totally blank.

“Yeah, thanks, Friday.”

He was wasting time either way. When Tony listened to the AI’s advice and climbed to his bed, he realized he was wasting time either way, because obviously he couldn’t fall asleep. He saw blood all over Peter’s body once he closed eyes. He heard Peter asking, _Sir, who are you_.

He finally got some sleep filled with nightmares and suddenly roused from them.

“Fri, how’s Peter?”

“Mr. Parker is currently sleeping. Would you like me to wake him up?”

“No- no.” Tony wiped his eyes like he was trying to wipe the fear away. “He’s fine?”

“Yes, everything’s fine.”

“Good.”

Tony answered, but instead of lying back to the bed, he got himself out of it.

“It’s 3:21 in the morning. I suggest you could have more sleep, Boss.”

“Nah, that’s already my maximum.”

“It’s apparently incorrect.”

“Whatever.”

He went to check Peter. Of course he trusted Friday, but he wanted to see the boy’s face.

Peter’s sleeping face looked so peaceful. He didn’t even have enough memories to forge a nightmare. Tony sat at his bed and put one hand on his cheek. He’s real. This is real.

It’s all right then. He just needed a little confirmation to keep going his damn life.

“Ms. Potts is coming.” Friday noticed.

Tony groaned. He suddenly remembered that he was supposed to be at an important meeting today. No, he was not good enough to attend this meeting, not now.

He heard the footsteps of the woman coming, and before he turned to her, he started:

“Sorry, Pep, I guess I’m not ready for the meeting you told me last time. I- I’m sort of not ready for any meetings-”

“Don’t worry about that. I’m not asking you to attend any meetings.”

“Oh. That’s…rare, for you.”

He tried joking, only to find the woman staring at him with a sad smile.

“I just come to see if you’re okay, Tony.”

“I’m not the one who’s been damaged.” He said, voice slowly cracked. “Though I should’ve been.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

“Mr. Stark.”

When he went to Peter’s room, he saw May waiting for him at the door.

“Yes, Mrs. Parker.” Tony swallowed and looked at her.

“I have something to tell you.” May said politely. “Peter has been staying here for almost two months, I’m thinking…maybe it’s time for us to leave.”

Tony blinked. _Two months_. The most serious injury Peter had before was recovered within three days, when he still had his healing factors. Two months sound ridiculously painful.

“He wants to leave?”

“No, it’s me…but I’ve just asked him and he agreed.”

“Why are you- Peter hasn’t completely recovered yet.”

“Friday told me he’s fine now.”

“Physically.” Tony murmured. He made several steps away from May and wiped his eyes. “His memories haven’t recovered. Look, I have the best doctors here. It just needs to take some time before we can fix it.”

May hesitated for a while.

“I think it will be good for Peter to come back to a familiar environment.”

Tony stilled.

“If Peter lives in the room where he grew up in his childhood, he might recall something about himself.”

“Right, you’re right, it didn't- I didn’t- my bad.” Tony said quickly. “I- I’ll let Happy send you back when you two are ready.”

May nodded and left before a quiet “Thank you, Mr. Stark.”

 

“Tony!”

The kid looked up to him with the common excitement, but Tony noticed a slight nervousness in his eyes.

“Is everything okay, kid?” He sat next to the kid on the bed.

“I’m- I’m fine. It’s just, May told me she wants to take me home.”

“Your aunt thinks this is good for you. I agree with her.”

“Yeah I know. I just- I don’t know _how my home looks like_.”

Tony felt a sharp pain in his chest.

“That’s a lovely place.” He said.

Peter’s eyes got widened.

“You’ve been there?”

“Yes, I did. Comfortable place. Your room is a mess, but it’s just like, _home_ , you know.”

“A lot of stuff here and there? _My_ stuff?”

“Yep.”

Peter looked more curious than nervous now. Tony smiled, patting on his shoulder.

 

He didn’t want him to leave, if he’s being honest. But that was selfish.

 

Peter didn’t have a lot of things to pack up. Happy helped him and May carry their luggage to the car, let them get into the back seat, and sat in the front.

Someone knocked the window.

“Boss?”

“Go get some rest. I can drive them home.” He sent away a confused Happy and sat in the seat instead. Then he looked back at the Parkers. “You two won’t mind, right?”

The Parkers stared at him with their eyes widened and shook their heads.

“Okay, let’s go.”

 

They didn’t have much to say on the way to the Parkers’ apartment in Queens. Occasionally May asked if Peter felt alright, and Peter told her that he was fine, don’t worry. Tony saw from the rear-view mirror that the kid kept looking outside the window, with bright eyes like a baby.

This kid had looked like a baby before, but now he was like a _baby_ baby, like he was looking at everything for the first time, like he never saw this world.

“Do you know where we are now?” When they arrived in Queens, May asked.

“Queens?”

“You know?” Tony looked at the kid’s face in the rear-view mirror.

“Uh- May told me that I grew up in Queens?”

“…Right.” Tony sighed. May smiled at the boy.

“Yes, we live here for years.”

They arrived at their apartment. Tony parked the car at the roadside and helped them carry their luggage.

“We can do this.” May stopped him.

Peter took a large case from his hand. Tony could see that it was not that easy for the kid after he lost his strength over normal people, but he didn’t say anything.

May went into the apartment building first. Peter followed her, but turned to Tony before going into.

“Tony.” The kid called his name.

“Yes?”

“I know you’re busy, but, um, will you come to see me some time?” Peter asked sheepishly.

“Yes, yes I will.” He promised, though he was completely unsure. He doesn’t have any connection to the boy anymore. Does he have any reason to see the boy? _Should he even see him again?_

With no idea what Tony’s thinking about, Peter immediately grinned.

“Thank you. Goodbye, Tony.”

“Bye, kid.”

He waved to Peter, and watched as he entered the building.

This was it. Now he had to come back to the compound. A lot of work to do. A lot of people to meet. Endless things to fix, problems to solve. And he can never go to the kid at 3 o’clock in the morning, when he was in need of something to help himself keep going.

 

It is hard to not think of the kid, especially that Tony has had no idea how the kid’s doing for another whole month. The suit he used for tracking the kid is now seriously broken. He locked it away in his lab and can never look at the damage without feeling his eyes burned. He used to watch Spider-Man Youtube videos to see what stupid things the kid was doing. Now Spider-Man disappears from Youtube and all other kinds of media. There's no Spider-Man in this world anymore.

He can call May, of course, May actually told him to call. But if the kid is getting better, if he is recovering his memories, Tony doesn’t want to be in the way.

“You really should go.” Pepper studies him carefully.

“Where?”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

“Sorry that I am a genius doesn’t mean that I can read your mind.”

“Then obviously I can read yours.” Pepper sighs. “You need to see Peter.”

“He’s good now. He doesn’t need to see me.”

“That can’t be right.”

“Oh, you know better than me.”

“Tony, don’t be a child.”

It feels like they are going to fight again. But Tony falls into silence suddenly and stops this fight from happening.

Neither of they talk for a while.

“You don’t understand, Pep.” Tony starts. “That kid doesn’t even know it was me who made him suffer. I can’t just go to see him and pretend we’re good and pretend nothing has happened. And if he remembers what happened? He won’t want to see me.”

“Tony, the kid saved you because he wanted to-”

“You don’t know.” Tony doesn’t blink. “You don’t know.”

Pepper hears from the man that Peter was deadly injured because the kid took the strike for him. She also knows he rather died in the war than living with the guilt. 

“I don't know what really happened, Tony, you won't tell me.” She gives him a sad smile. “But I know this is not going to work out for you. You need to see him, in person.”


	3. Chapter3

It’s good to see Rhodey walking like he never lost his legs, although this can’t make Tony feel less guilty. His old friend cares about him, and Tony knows that’s why he says he wants them to meet.

“So, how’s Spider-Man?”

 _And this._ Why Tony isn’t surprised.

“He’s good.”

“How do you know?”

“I do know. He has the best aunt in this world.”

“I don’t doubt that. But do you ever think of checking the kid yourself?”

“No.” Tony says without hesitation. “And you know what, you’re right, I shouldn’t have involved that kid at the beginning. You’ve said that, Rhodey.”

“Tony-”

“Now I have the chance to fix it. I’ll keep him out of any danger this time.”

Rhodey studies him carefully and sighs.

“Okay. If that’s what you insist.”

Tony pats him on his shoulder.

“Let Friday drive us back.”

“Yes, Boss.” Friday answers.

The vehicle starts going for a while, and Rhodey then says: “Maybe get something quick to eat before we go back. There are shops around.”

Friday slowly parks the car at the roadside. Tony looks around and twitches his nose.

“We can definitely find somewhere better than this.”

“Would you like me to search more qualified restaurants?”

“No, Friday, we can just take something to go.” Rhodey says. Tony gives him a look.

“Okay, stay inside.” He grabs the door and gets out.

He’s been used to not let Rhodey walk on foot if he can do it for him. He quickly goes to a store and buys two sandwiches. When he comes out, however, he glances at the board unintentionally.

_Delmar's DELI-GROCERY._

Tony suddenly remembers that this is the store that Peter once mentioned. In the next several seconds he realizes, they are in Queens. That cannot be a coincidence.

Before Tony can possibly react, his car is leaving from the roadside.

“Hey!”

The car doesn’t stop at all.

“Friday, take the car back under my control.”

“Sorry, Boss, you cannot do that.”

“Why?”

“Because I have handed over the control right to Mr. Rhodes.”

“Without my permission?”

“With Ms. Potts’s permission and my autonomic decision.”

Tony stands at the roadside, with two sandwiches in his hand.

“Your autonomic decision? Brilliant.”

How can he not notice that Pepper has both Rhodey and Friday as her allies?

His phone rings. Tony takes the phone without looking at whom it comes from.

“Sorry, man, I had to do this.”

“How much has Pepper paid you off?”

“No, this is not fair, Tones. I did this for you.”

“Okay, I’m so grateful that you left me behind.” He says with sarcasm. “Am I not clear about it? I want to fix things. We can stop getting Peter involved from now on. If you care about the kid, you should listen to me.”

“I do care about the kid, Tony. But I care about you, too. Besides, you can never decide what’s good for the kid. You know that more than me.”

Tony sighs and looks at the sandwiches on his hand.

“Come on, we both know this is what’s going to happen. You see the kid, talk to him, and I will come back and pick you up later. Or you prefer public transportation?”

“Rhodey, you know I can call my suits any time.”

“Without your faithful buddy Friday, it’s not possible.”

“ _Friday._ ”

“Sorry, Boss.” Friday answers with a pleasant voice.

Tony needs to think about why he built this intelligent AI at the very beginning.

“It's- what, like ten blocks away from his home?”

“You would find out if I dropped you off too closely.”

“Thanks, Rhodes. That’s really smart.”

He hangs up the call, stands on the street in rage for a while, and goes back to the Delmar's.

“Give me another sandwich, please. Right, that same kind.”

 

Tony is totally unprepared, not at all. If anyone told him that he was going to meet the kid today, it would be much better than this.

Now he ends up standing in front of the Parkers’ door, with three sandwiches in his hand.

He hesitates for a while, then gives up and knocks the door. He hears someone coming, and regrets the act almost at the same time.

_No, no no no. This is a mistake, this is a mistake, this is-_

Before he could run away, the door’s open.

May opens the door only to find the older man walking away from the door.

"Mr. Stark?" She calls out.

There's no way to avoid and Tony just turns to her.

"Yes."

She looks surprised, but doesn't look unpleased as much as Tony expects, so it's at least a good start.

Peter now goes back to live with his aunt in their apartment. That's an amazing progress. So Tony just kept away from them, not to mess things up.

And actually he should keep it that way, instead of stopping by the Parkers' home. _God, Rhodey._

“I- uh, maybe I should just go-”

The woman stops him by holding his arm slightly.

“You’re here for Peter.” She states without a question mark. “Come in.”

May goes back into the room.

“Peter, Mr. Stark is here-”

Her announcement cuts off any urge of Tony to walk away. He enters the living room and sees Peter walking out of his bedroom.

The kid looks much better. Happier, healthier, the curiosity in his bright eyes beams.

“Hey, kid.” He says, voice tight.

“Nice to meet you again, Mr. Stark.” Peter answers with his soft voice.

Wait, _Mr. Stark_?

“What happened with _Tony_?”

“Um...” The kid smiles shyly. “You only told me your first name, that was kind of tricky. I didn’t know who you _really are_.”

Tony chuckles.

"Then you should tell me who I really am. I'm curious."

“Have a seat. I'll make you some tea and cakes.” May smiles and walks to the kitchen.

“Actually- I bring sandwiches.” Tony puts the sandwich bag on the table.

“Delmar’s!” Peter’s eyes widen. “Best sandwiches in Queens! Mr. Stark, can I have one?”

“…yes, please.”

Tony doesn’t expect this reaction from the kid. To be honest, these sandwiches don’t really look that great. But thinking of that he heard this shop somewhere from the kid.

Somewhere _before_ the war.

“May said that my taste never changed.” Peter looks at him and says, like he’s reading his mind. “So, yeah, I _still_ think this is the best sandwich.”

Tony takes one sandwich and bites. It tastes good. He sees the boy in front of him finishing the sandwich in like thirty seconds.

“Mr. Delmar actually knows me, but I didn't know him. That’s weird.”

His heart sinks as Peter keeps talking.

“How are things going with you?”

“I’m good, just not easy. I go back to school, but the funny thing is I can’t recognize any of my teachers and classmates. I still have friends, like Ned and MJ...Oh, it seems they’re supposed to be my best friends, and Ned said he was very hurt that I didn’t remember him, but he’s nice and he’s just kidding...” Peter suddenly stops here and makes an embarrassed eye contact with him. “Sorry, I talk too much.”

“No, no need to apologize. I like hearing you talk.” He stares at Peter's those bright eyes and feels it's so nice to have this talkative boy back.

“Told you, he’s always been very patient with you.”

May brings tea and cakes and joins their conversation. Tony’s heart misses a beat. He quickly gives her a “You said that?” look.

The Parkers smile to each other and to him. 

“Yeah, I knew.” Peter nods.

Tony doesn't know what to say. The sudden warmth he feels stops any words from possibly delivering.

May pours tea into cups and looks at the clock.

“I gotta go. Have some work to do this afternoon.”

"Don't forget the sandwich!" Peter grabs the sandwich bag to her.

“It’s Sunday afternoon.” Tony reminds.

“It’s not like you’re the only busy person in the world.” May teases. “You’re good with Peter, Mr. Stark?”


End file.
